Kicking the habit

This journal will serve as a message of hope, of love, and of apologies.

I went for a walk today to clear my head and work out my life.  About five minutes into my walk, I pulled out a cigarette, put it in my mouth, and was prepared to light it.  It was at that moment that I knew the reason why my life had gone so bad.  I've spent the past three years doing something that had hurt me and had hurt the people I love.  It's done nothing but tear down my life and lead to broken hearts.  I was disgusted with myself.  How could I have voluntarily done this?  I'm not like that.  I know I'm not.  I put the cigarette and both my lighters back into the box and threw them down the sewers.  I'm not going to let something like smoking ruin my life any more.  It has tore me away from three people.  One of them a good friend, one of them a young cosplayer who needed more than I could give them, and then the woman I loved.  The woman I still love.  The woman I will continue to love and cherish and send all my best even if she wishes to never hear or speak of me ever again.

If you are reading this, Elspeth, I want you to know that I still care for you.  I still want you to succeed in life and everything you put your mind to.  Even if it means taking me out of your life completely, I still want you to know that you are loved by your family, your friends, and by no one more than me.

To all my convention friends, I want to say that I'm sorry for the way my life has been.  I'm sorry for all the bad things I've done and for all the hurt I've caused.

I hope that one day, you will all be able to see me for who I am and for who I will become.


Smoke free countdown:  Day 0.